spiraling into obscurity
by the inversed butterfly
Summary: She's dead now, but you loved her, even if it took you until now to realize it. — HitsugayaHinamori


**a/n:** this is short. Really short. But it's an idea that popped up in my mind, if Hinamori didn't survive when Hitsugaya stabbed her.

* * *

><p>It's hard isn't it?<p>

...knowing that you're the cause of the pain... the hurt that's inflicted upon the person you love. A person you _care_ about.

It hurts. but it wasn't your fault. Of course it wasn't. It was Aizen. _He_ was the one who did this. But why can't you convince yourself that this is truth? Why can't you forgive yourself? Why can't you?

She's dead now. Momo. She was beautiful. You loved her, even if it took you until now to realize this fact. It hurts just to even think about her, right? but she always seems to come back to you every once in a while.

Her face.. the blood.. the whole irony of it, it amuses you so much you bleed sorrow and agony. You are slowly falling into the abyss of darkness and nothing can save you now, because _you killed her_.

_You_ killed her.

Her body falling onto you, so light in your arms as you stare with shock, not fully comprehending what you had just done. Her eyelids fluttering in confusion and despair as she murmurs,

_"Why?..  
><em>_Shiro...  
><em>_chan..?"_

And this time you don't have an answer.

_youwishyoudid_

You scream out in anger and Aizen stares with that horrible, amused look on your face, but you really didn't care back then, didn't you?

You wanted to kill him, for making you hurt her. Making her bleed. Making her stop breathing.

You wish you could go back and change everything, but you can't because what has been done, is done.

She is lifeless and unmoving now and you want to cry. You want to take her place, because Hinamori is the reason you are doing this. She is the reason why you became captain. _Captain Hitsugaya_ of the 10th division. She is what influenced you to become a shinigami.

But that reason is gone now. So what is your reason now?

You caress her face lightly, with sorrowful eyes. Her face is pale and eyes are closed. There will be no one to say 'Shiro-chan!' anymore, because she is gone. Nobody else will be able to say that. _No one will ever call him that_.

No one but her.

* * *

><p>Time passes by and you can't seem to forget about what has happened. Matsumoto constantly tries to cheer you up, but you can't even bring yourself to laugh or smile. She is gone now and maybe that's why <em>you're<em> fading away as well.

Karin. That girl. She is a nice companion, you think. She's into soccer and possibly you guys might even be combatible, but _no_. You say, when she asks you out.

Because she will never compare to Momo.

Everyone is tired of your mood and the aura you pan out when you're around. It's frightening, they say. But they don't understand, right? they... don't understand...

Aizen is gone. Vanished. He's not dead though, as much as you want him to be. You've been secretly trying to find a way to kill him. To find the bastard and end his life, just like he did to Momo. Deep inside, you were always jealous of him. Hinamori had always adored and looked up to Aizen, as a father figure, and all he did was _use_ her. It pisses you off that she had worked _so hard_ to get where she is, but she ended up getting no where at all.

Sometimes, you think you're crazy, because you can hear Hinamori. She talks to you. You see her in dreams and maybe this is a sign, right? But it hurts because it's so real. You want to hold and tell her you're sorry. _Sorry_ for everything.

You don't know what to tell Grandma. You're not sure if you should. _"Bed-wetter is gone"_ or what should you say? She will be devastated and she's probably the only thing you have left.

* * *

><p>It's the anniversary of her death and maybe you think you could cope with it now. You go to her grave, the one under the peach tree (courtesy of her name). You lay the daffodils, the flowers she loved, on the tombstone and let your fingers linger on it. As you do so, the nostalgia comes flooding back and the memories, the lost ones, flash in your head.<p>

You smile slightly, because she will always be apart of you. As you walk away, you hear the wind and the small whisper of

_'Goodbye,  
><em>_Shiro-chan'_


End file.
